Oct 29 (newsonjapan.com) - Why does everything go south when you are in a relationship?
Let's say that everything was all rainbows and cookies when you started dating. But what is that urge to always sabotage and destroy any relationship? If it applies to you, don't feel too guilty. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Humans like complications, so it is natural to give that spice. If you want to date (let's say, Russian women), then follow this advice.
Why do we tend to sabotage a healthy relationship?
Even if your partner is the most loving and comforting human being, you might feel a subconscious urge to ruin a perfectly normal union. But why so? According to a psychological study, we tend to gravitate towards morally corrupt people, rejecting a loving relationship because of our feeling of intimacy. Because we all have childhood traumas and distress to a certain extent, any unstable relationship feels more familiar than communication when no one is disturbed or humiliated. If we don't satisfy that itch, we subconsciously try to provoke a partner to quarrel or insult us just to seek that familiarity with a childhood situation.
How to stop ruining a perfectly healthy relationship?
1. Reality check
Try to evaluate a situation from almost a scientific standpoint. Are you abused, dissatisfied, offended, or bored with your partner? Do they feel the same about you? If the answer is negative and you have seemingly no real concerns, then state that in a small notebook, write down the pros and cons of your relationship. If the advantages surely outweigh your problems, keep that little book close to you, so that every time you want to sabotage your relationship, read how good it is and how grateful you are for the good deeds your partner does to you.
2. Combat your trust issues
Easier said than done, but you have to give it a try. How to get rid of your trust issues? Find the reason why do you feel a need to control and spy on your partner, sabotage them with no moral ground and seek for evidence. Is it that you don't feel secure or didn't get proper confirmation of love from your parents or ex-partner? If that is the case, try to work primarily on issues that launched that power rocket of suspicion.
3. Work on your self-esteem
With a true love for yourself, you do not need confirmation of anyone's good intention because everything is about your own world. Give yourself some pampering, work on your values, self-worth, and start a new day with a better approach to life overall. When we feel secure alone, no one can take this feeling because we don't rely on external satisfaction. Consequently, there are fewer ways to get disappointed or neglected.
4. Raise Your Voice
See, sabotaging is not always about confrontation. Sometimes the lack of it is the worst kind of sabotage. You might've never known that the fear of communication will ruin your relationship faster than a fight. If you have something your friends would call “a victim complex,†playing a martyr and being silenced might destroy a good relationship. When you have something to say, but actively avoid confrontation, your mind creates fake dialogs and stories. You might end up in a loop of concern and disintegration from reality, resulting in real fights with no ground.
5. Decide with a perfect partner
If you seek a partner just to avoid loneliness, you set yourself up for a lost cause from the start. If you don't want to ruin the life of the person who loves you, be clear with your priorities. Don't sabotage a good partner just because they don't click with your patterns. Instead, try to trace them down, pinpoint every desirable trait, and see whether they still apply to your beloved person.
